Santa is the real deal!

Sam Collett, Editor In Chief

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Everyone and their mother will tell you that the famous “Santa Claus” is just something to tell the kids so they’re good. That includes writer Ethan Kraus, who has challenged my evidence for the findings of Santa for years. But today I’m going to prove what some, like Ethan Kraus, believe to be the unprovable. Santa Claus is real.

The first piece of so-called evidence to be debunked is that the whole “No one has ever seen the guy” claim. It’s just false. Multiple sightings of St. Nick have been photographed, and placed on the Internet.

Also, I have personally seen him. One night I placed video cameras around my Christmas tree, trying to catch a glimpse of Ol’ St. Nick. What I came to find on camera three at 3:48 a.m. was the legend himself. He looked remarkably like my father in a white beard, but I knew all too well that I had finally seen Saint Nicholas.

Another pointless remark people might make to disprove that Santa exists is on how he eats so many cookies, let alone fitting down a small chimney. Yet again though this is just another thing that can be disproved rather quickly. The reason that Santa is able to eat so many cookies and fit down numerous chimneys can’t be comprehended by the laws of science. The best way I can explain the Winter Wizard’s mysticism is through the Magic of Christmas–which, of course, doesn’t follow our human laws.

Finally I have come to my last argument prove how Kris Kringle is real. Many doubters point to how it would be impossible for him to travel around the world, let alone deliver presents all in one night. That statement is simply invalid. Again, it’s very possible, thanks to the Dark Arts of Christmas Magic. But Santa isn’t the only one who has mastered the sorcery required for their Christmas duty. The Reindeer have as well. It is said by Kraus that Rudolph and his merry crew would have to travel 650 meters per second to deliver all of the gifts in time. This statement is most likely true, but when you consider how Christmas Magic can easily be used to travel at great speeds, his claim still doesn’t justify how Papa Noel and his gang of magical flying deer can’t complete their jolly duties on Christmas Eve.

So to conclude, every claim that skeptics make to disprove Santa’s authenticity can be proven the opposite–if you’ve done the sophisticated research over this topic and factor in Christmas Magic.

And even though people may try to doubt your holiday beliefs it’s important to remember one thing. That Pelznickel (German name for Santa) is always watching.

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