I’ve been playing Minecraft since 2014.
I remember sitting on the carpet floor of my basement, Xbox 360 controller in hand, carefully decorating the house of the meager base I had built. I’ve had an on-and-off relationship with the game, but it’s clear that Minecraft truly revolutionized “sandbox” games. So, I decided to take a trip down memory lane and fill my day with Minecraft. Take a step into 2014 with me, and have a very Minecraft day!
DIMENSION ONE: THE OVERWORLD.
I started my day eating Minecraft-branded yogurt. It was berry flavored– I haven’t eaten Gogurt for a while, but the corners of the yogurt kept scratching my mouth. I washed it down with a Minecraft-branded Poppi soda. I had the ‘Creeper’ flavor, which was honestly delicious. It tasted like lime and seemed to have extra carbonation; it was honestly one of the better Poppi’s that I’ve had. If I actually tasted a creeper, it would probably taste like that. I also took a few moments to revisit what playing Minecraft was like, and I quickly found that they’ve had quite a few updates since I’ve last played. I built a house, and even got a pet dog which I named Dennis in honor of the dog in the movie!
DIMENSION TWO: THE NETHER
After meeting up with my friends, we headed into McDonald’s to get the Minecraft meal. There were two options– The Happy Meal, or the adult meal. I wasn’t feeling particularly hungry, so I got the Happy Meal. But two of my friends got the adult one, which seemed to be much more immersive than the Happy Meal. The container for the burger had a crafting table in the lid, which I found very creative. The ‘Nether sauce’ that came with the meal was pretty spicy, but had a hint of sweetness that was addictingly good. It’s a shame that it’ll be gone after the Minecraft movie leaves! For the toy, there seemed to be a lot of different options. My friends got the Hamburglar as a zombie, and a Minecraft slime as a hamburger. I got the ‘evoker,’ along with another person in my group. The toys all seemed to be surprisingly high quality, along with the fact that my toy moved if you pressed a lever on the back! Overall, besides the fact that the original Happy Meal seemed to be virtually unchanged, it was still a pleasant experience.
DIMENSION THREE: THE END.
After getting to the theatre and retrieving our snacks, we sat down to watch the movie. Ad after ad passed, and then the movie finally started. The movie was definitely very aware of itself– which I think was a smart move. It would be difficult to translate a game into live action, so turning it into a joke would be the more reasonable path to take. One of the first lines in the movie was “As a child, I yearned for the mines,” playing off the “Children yearn for the mines” joke, which was genuinely hilarious.
The movie’s general plot is as follows: Steve (played by Jack Black) is a disgruntled employee selling door knobs. He finds some type of portal which leads him to the ‘overworld,’ which is the Minecraft universe. Steve meets a dog named Dennis, and stays there with him for years. Until he eventually finds the nether portal, and gets captured by the evil piglins and their leader ‘Malgosha.’ (Voiced by Rachel House) He gets captured, and Dennis has to escape to earth to protect the overworld from Malgosha’s rule. The plot then follows a teenager, Henry (Played by Sebastian Hansen), and his sister and guardian, Natalie (Emma Myers). Henry doesn’t fit in at school due to his creative mind, and ends up getting in trouble. He calls the local video-game store owner, Garrett (played by Jason Mamoa), to come pick him up from school. They proceed to find the portal to the overworld, and have to try and find their way back home. They meet Steve, and have to protect the world from Malgosha and bond on the way.
Plot-wise, I didn’t find the movie incredibly interesting. It tried to make me care about characters who I couldn’t care less about. There’s a scene in the movie where two of the main characters, Henry and Garett, have an argument. Henry proceeds to act betrayed, and says something along the lines of — “I trusted you, we used to be friends.” I sat there for a moment, then turned to my friend and asked, “Haven’t they only known each other for about an hour? I didn’t think they were friends.” The plot was cluttered, and hardly made sense. At the end of the movie, Natalie becomes a self-defense instructor, which would’ve been a good ending, if she had hinted ANY interest in becoming one.
Despite the multitude of negatives, I thought it was an amazing movie purely because of how fun the experience was. It was one of those movies that was so bad, that it just ended up being good. At every quotable joke, the entire theatre I was in burst out into clapping and laughter. The environment was fun, and the movie was so hilariously bad that it was good. The songs were also incredibly amazing, and I still catch myself singing “Lava Chicken” throughout the day randomly.
Overall? I definitely recommend getting out into the theatres before the showing is over. The experience was amazing, and is incredibly memorable. It’s completed by kicking back and grabbing a Minecraft meal, maybe hopping onto an old save, and savoring the day in the most Minecraft-themed way possible. You might even catch yourself having a completely Minecraft day.
