Thanks, but no thanks

Patrick delves into the reasons why he hates the Thanksgiving holiday.


Thanksgiving. It’s the holiday that is between Halloween and the winter holidays, and is also one of the worst holidays in my opinion. Just call me the grinch of Thanksgiving because I think it’s rubbish. The family gathering, the food, and the whole morality of the holiday just doesn’t appeal to me.

For me, Thanksgiving Day usually pans out as follows: I sit on a couch for what feels like days, as I’m forced to listen to bickering amongst family members. I might as well be locked up in an insane asylum with a straight jacket on with drool running down my face. The holiday is a form of torture. That’s not even to add the fact that there are little goblins (kids) running around and screaming until I can not hear due to the tinnitus that has developed over the course of the day. The one word that could describe my state on Thanksgiving: miserable. 

After enduring all of that , at the end of the yellow brick road, is the food. In my family, the food is infamous for being bland. The dry turkey and the assorted mush (casseroles) are a complete mystery to nature. The rest of the food, like box stuffing and canned cranberries are items you could find in the back of your pantry, or in the garbage bin. Why do people look forward to this meal?  Am I really insane? So insane that I’m missing out on the world’s greatest feast? Or am I right about the meal being abysmal? Who knows? I don’t. I don’t even know what I’m writing about. Thanksgiving? Oh yeah.

Now the issues with my family and the food is solely my experience. My suffering… But the story of Thanksgiving is the one thing everyone who has celebrated thanksgiving understands. You are supposed to be thankful because once the natives shared their food with the pilgrims. If you believe that you probably have the brain of an infant. The story is complete horse crap. I feel like the pilgrims would have just pillaged the natives’ homes. More in character with the British. I’m not trying to be a cynic, but it definitely didn’t go down like it was in a fairytale.

“So what’s your point Patrick?”  “Patrick, just be grateful.”  “You just typed up nonsense. Blah Blah Blah.” 

My point is that I just don’t like Thanksgiving. Of course, I’m thankful for my loving family, and all the people in my life, but me talking about being thankful wouldn’t get any views. I just wanted to entertain you and myself with my satirical ramblings.  Happy holidays.