The Whimsical Tale of Wally’s

A Parkway South High gas station review


Aidan Smith

Patrick Smith after he vanquished the beast of Wally’s.

In this materialistic world exists Wally’s, “Home of the Great American road trip”… Well that’s according to their website I just had to see if their not-so-modest slogan was true, so I ventured to this mega gas station at Highway 44 and Bowles avenue in the Valley Park/Fenton area.

This was a  feat I could not do alone, I would need moral support, I would need a protector, mainly I would need a ride. I asked my brother, Aidan Alexander Smith, a former Parkway South High student. Having no friends, he happily agreed to join me on my quest to Wally’s. 

 “Great place to stop for clean restrooms, tasty food choices, and drink options”– John Doe. 4 stars. 


I was going there to see if it was the home of the Great American Road Trip, but I have one block in my scheme; Wally’s is a 15-minute drive from my home in Ballwin, Missouri. How would one simulate a long road trip with a sibling? This question haunted me for many restless nights. I couldn’t imagine going on an actual road trip in the name of journalism. It would be too expensive (I’m not made of money)  and it would also be a big waste of my precious time. Would this article ruin my H grade in this class? Should I invest all my money and go into debt? Or should I just compromise and drive 15 minutes and be labeled a fraud/unreliable journalist? These questions kept flying through my mind as I sat in my twin-sized bed. 

Then it hit me. I must risk it all. I must risk my grade, my mind, and my money. I decided to put off my paper, giving me an F in the class, and go on a road trip to Chicago. I was going to go see one of my favorite garage rock bands Thee Oh Sees live, then come back and my brother and I will go to Wally’s… My 12-hour total in a car would surely simulate the “Great American Road Trip” that Wally’s says they’re the home of.

10 days later: The simulated road trip went as I planned; I was fatigued and felt beaten (which I was beaten at the concert from the previous night). My bones were in agony from sitting down for so long and I surely couldn’t last very long. Then I saw it, the bright vibrant orange sign that made my eyes tear up. 


When I entered the establishment I was greeted warmly by the employees. The people were very friendly, but I don’t know if that is just their nature or if they are forced to put on a fake smile for the Big Man. I thought the store would feel cramped since all the parking spots were taken and we had to park at one of the pumps, but surprisingly I didn’t even have to brush past anyone. The space was very open. 

My brother and I didn’t know where to look first, as we aren’t made of money and we needed something to review. 


The homemade jerky I got was teriyaki beef jerky; it was what the youthful folk say “mid.” Maybe it wasn’t a good batch, but I found it lacking flavor. Luckily I had my Wally’s water to wash it down. I’ve definitely had better jerky.  I felt like I was robbed considering that I paid about $9 for the package. It’s all water under the bridge. I’m not upset at all… but I wouldn’t mind a free bag of jerky. 

Next up, sitting under a heavenly heat lamp was a hotdog. The dog was my personal favorite food item during my Wally’s visit. It was an Angus frank that cost me $3.50. It had the perfect amount of meat and the perfect amount of juice. If it had some mustard on it, then it would truly be suited for someone as elegant and delicate as I. 

The food here from my investigation was a solid 6.8/10 to a light 6. 


These restrooms were crafted for no mortal being, the facility was clean as my bill of health  (I’m in peak physical condition). I felt like I was in the tv show The Jetsons, mainly because of the futuristic sinks. I personally didn’t need to go in the restroom, but from what I can tell, it is peaceful and calming even knowing there’s probably a hillbilly construction worker in the next stall. 8.93/10 


It was normal gas, with no extra fees. Didn’t buy gas. I give it a 73/77 on the account of there being 72 gas and 5 electric pumps. 


Wally’s was honestly a fun experience. I made some good memories on my road trip and I definitely recommend stopping by Wally’s if you are in the area. I would go there again, possibly even for a date night. Wally’s truly is the Home of the Great American Roadtrip. 8.9/10 Wally’s fun