With its jumbled and, frankly, completely disregarded origins, Halloween has become one of the only holidays that’s significance depends entirely on the individual. Some may love binge-watching horror movies free of disapproval, while others may love dressing up as someone or something they are not. To a child it just means unregulated sugar, to a young adult it might just be an excuse to torture their liver a little more relentlessly than usual.

But behind it all there lies one undeniable common appeal: Halloween grants permission, in one way or another, to break lifes unspoken rules and embrace what you might usually repress. To some extent, it’s a holiday free of judgement and it should most definitely be enjoyed without conflict or interference.

With that in mind, the last thing you should have to worry about this October, with two fists full of pumpkin guts, is costume-related sexism and the tricky dynamics of female oppression. This ruins all the spookiness and fun and it’s not what Halloween is supposed to be about. Unfortunately, however, it’s what a lot of big costume companies have begun to make it about. Costume companies have used their advertising skills to mangle, disfigure and capitalize on everyone’s favorite spooky holiday with all the sadistic precision of Michael Myers himself.

All you have to do is browse through a Party City catalog to see that the Halloween options available to women, and even young girls, nowadays are limited to the over-sexualized and laughably poor representations of the intended costumes.  In this world where “Sexy Mr. Potato Head” is a real purchasable costume there can be no denying that an missle of objectification has been launched. Unfortunately though, the thinly veiled slut-shaming that seems to be our nation’s attempt at a counter-attack is nothing but counter-productive.

I think there’s a lot of confusion surrounding exactly what makes “sexy” halloween costumes oppressive and many of those who are blind to the ambiguity of it respond defensively with hate and derogatory insults. Here’s a brief explanation to clear up any misunderstandings: The sexist part is not that they (sexy costumes) are an option, but that they are presented as the only option.  

Imagine this: a little girl opens a Halloween catalogue and sees a man modeling the “police officer” costume complete with long sleeves and full length pants–just like the police officers they see every day– next to a woman modeling a “women’s police officer” costume that’s bursting with cleavage, and includes a mini-skirt and high heels. She’s able to understand that the costume is quite clearly impractical and nothing that would ever be worn by a real police officer and as she flips the pages she sees that they are always like this. This registers as a commentary on her gender’s “role” in society: to be pretty, sexy, hot etc. in place of  being comfortable, practical, or bad-ass… because that is the role of the man. This is, quite clearly, objectification and oppression that can be incredibly detrimental to young girls especially. How could it not be? The implication is that men can enjoy dressing up by creating an authentic disguise whether it’s a scary monster or a cool profession or a television or movie character; that’s fine. But a woman must sacrifice the element of disguise, and authenticity, for a man’s enjoyment- she is excluded from Halloween’s true purpose, and does not get the opportunity to be taken seriously, as her purpose is to present herself as a worthy sexual object.

Of course this dehumanization of children is unacceptable and of course it is, or should be, heartbreaking to human beings, men and women alike. At some point a line must be drawn. However, the line must be drawn in the right spot. This is a multi-faceted issue and overreacting could potentially be just as damaging.

Here’s where things get tricky, because being sexy is not strictly the equivalent of being uncomfortable, impractical, worthless or weak. A woman’s humanity can in fact coexist with her sexuality. It is quite possible to be both respectable and sexual. It is quite possible for a woman to find that sexiness is empowering. Oftentimes people seem to assume that all sexy, revealing costumes are inherently oppressive and objectifying, and so they feel it is okay to pass judgement on women who make the choice to wear them; they feel it is okay to call them names, and essentially dehumanize them. Yes, the lack of realistic costumes suggests that the markets see women as sexual objects because they don’t provide the option to be anything else. The difference lies within being told “you should be this” and “you could be this.” When a woman chooses to embrace her sexuality she is not oppressing herself, but she’s acknowledging something that is human nature in both men and women, and in fact she is staying true to the concept of Halloween: breaking the “rules”, becoming someone you usually are not.

Basically what I’m saying is that you can’t solve hate with hate. Ever. It doesn’t work. It’s a mistake that people make all the time. The sad truth is that our society has normalized terms like slut, skank, whore, thot etc. and encouraged the idea that a woman being sexually promiscuous is some kind of crime deserving of these words and the dehumanization that lies within them. The truth is that hating on women who wear sexy Halloween costumes won’t take the costumes off the market and it definitely won’t boost women up in any way. Who taught you that a woman’s value is determined by what she wears or how much skin she shows anyway? A body is a body is a body. If Eleanor Roosevelt had walked around town dressed as a sexy kitten or what-have-you she would have still been Eleanor Roosevelt. Still smart, still successful, still human.

As Mean Girls so wisely puts it “Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.” Let’s remember that. There are 364 days of the year where, unfortunately, people will continue to slut-shame. So for one day of the year, Halloween, please, by all means, continue to roll your eyes at the catalogues and at the sexism of the costume companies themselves. But don’t use that as an excuse to slut-shame; mind your own business, drink some cider, and carve a pumpkin. You’ll be much happier.